Sunday, March 3, 2013

Innocence Lost

She hated going to college. Everyone teased her. Everyone. Everyone called her names. Everyone. Everyone thought she was weird. Everyone. Even the professors. 

Home was no different. Her parents hated her. They counted her as a curse. They didn't wanna put up with her anymore.

As for her, she hated herself and her life pretty much as everyone else did. She found solace in the cigarettes she smoked and the silent sobs that she wept. She knew she was weird. She knew she was different. But she wasn't to blame, was she? She hoped that her parents would understand her; but no, they didn't. They blamed her for no fault of hers. Absolutely no fault of hers.

As she recalled that fateful day when she was a five year old little girl. She was normal. Then. She isn't now. That fateful day changed everything. Everything.

It was the holiday season and her family was spending the vacations at a relative's place. It was almost twilight. The festive season was in the air. She was completely lost in the gaiety of the festive season. Giggling and laughing and running around like a normal five year old girl. And that is when it happened. Her uncle called out to her. He was her favorite uncle. One - he was damn good looking. Yeah! Even at five, she looked out for good looking men from her innocent eyes. Two - he made her laugh! That was all she ever wanted. Ever! But the uncle wanted more. Much more. He called out to her and told her that he had something for her. She ran to his room. He called her close to him and held out a toy wrapped up in paper. It was a doll. She loved dolls. She thanked him and started playing with in like most five year old girls. And that is when she sensed something. Something was definitely wrong. She knew it. But she was too scared to move or to speak. She was numb. As if someone had cast a spell on her. She couldn't feel her voice. It was as if her throat had dried up. She wanted to scream but her voice ditched her. It was as if she was stoned. She couldn't move. She just couldn't. And then she heard a voice. It was the uncle. He gave her a hug and said to her, I hope you liked what uncle did! Just don't tell anyone, alright? And he smiled. She was still numb. She didn't know what to do. With whatever courage and strength she had in her, she ran to her parent's room. She hugged her mom tight and went off to sleep. She didn't breathe a word of what had happened. Just don't tell anyone, alright? Those words still echoed in her head. She closed her eyes tight and went off to sleep hoping it was all a dream and that she would be a new person the next morning.

The next morning came. And her wish was granted. She was a new person. Indeed. She felt it. She sensed it. She knew it. She lived it. Her outlook towards life changed. Her life changed. She changed. It seemed like she had lost her childhood. It seemed like she matured overnight. Like she had lost something. Like she had scarred herself. Lost her childhood. Lost her smile. Lost her laughter. Lost her innocence. Lost herself. Lost her life. Lost a reason to be alive. She wished she could change all that happened. She wished she could return back to where she was. She wished she could return to innocence.

Since that day, she hated toys. She hated boys. She hated dolls. She hated life. She hated men. And she hated her uncle. He had done a horrible thing to her. Horrible. Something she just couldn't forget. She blamed herself for everything. She blamed herself for her fate. She blamed herself for being gay. She hated herself. She hated life.

If she only knew that she wasn't to be blamed. If only. Only if.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers 
by BlogAdda.

If you ever been abused as a child or as an adult, please don't blame yourself. It isn't YOUR fault! 

And parents - never leave your kids alone with uncles or aunties. NEVER EVER!!


  1. Such a horrible but true story. I have a lot of trust in my brothers and sisters, so the warning is unsettling too. I feel fortunate that my children made it to adulthood without tragedy such as this. In a perfect world, every child should reach adulthood safely too.

    1. Yes Joyce, horrible but true. most kids have been abused while going up. I wish it would end.

  2. So many of them must be going through this.....if only someone could hera their silent cry...

    1. Yes Jolie, so many have and are going through this. :(

  3. U remind me of an episode from satyamev jayte. Good one !
    This is my entry url

    1. Sadly what happened to Cindy from SMJ has happened to almost all girls and some boys around the world. :(

  4. well written but made me most uncomfortable


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